She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
