so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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