Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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