I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
