It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
