hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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