The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
