It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
What drink are we having for lunch?
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Randomize
