Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Randomize
