I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
You need Xanax blowdarts
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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