xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
