I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
