Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Randomize
