We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
