You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Everything about him screamed your future.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
