My friends, they love my intelligence
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
