All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
