i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
