I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Are we still banned from the library?
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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