I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
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