Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
