do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
