Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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