so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
he was CRYING into my vagina
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
