You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
