It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Randomize
