If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
