a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
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