i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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