i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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