She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Randomize
