Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
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