You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
