Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
And then my night got REAL pukey
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
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