if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
