when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
