the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
