I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
