I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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