your parents love me but you hate me
I'm so fucking centered right now
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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