she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Randomize
