Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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