I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
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