I could have mohawked her pubes.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Randomize
