I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize
