I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
did i walk over a car last night?
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
