You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
