Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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