get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
