How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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