It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
