If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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