Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
