Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
